While You Were Offline: Um, Steve, Your Whiteboard Is Showing
Was it only just last week that folks were debating the quality of the first 100 days of the Trump administration? It seems so long ago. Remember those days when everyone wasn’t talking about health care? Good times, people. Good times. Is it our age or the state of current events that makes it feel as if time is speeding up? Perhaps it’s the internet. It moves so fast that it’s impossible to keep pace. That’s why we’re here; we want to help you catch (online) life before it passes you by. Let’s dive right in, shall we?
Heath Care Havoc, Part 2
What Happened: House Republicans managed to get the American Health Care Act back on its feet, which is more than can be said for sick people if the AHCA becomes law.
What Really Happened: If the initial failure of the American Health Care Act in March was a defeat for House Republicans and President Trump, then the return of the bill to full strength (such as it is) over the last couple of weeks was likely a sign that revenge would, indeed, be sweet. Then, this Thursday, it turned out that revenge was, indeed, happening:
— ABC News Politics (@ABCPolitics) May 4, 2017
The bill remains controversial, largely because it could reportedly cause up to 26 million Americans to lose coverage and contains some amazing definitions of preexisting conditions (most of which aren’t covered under the new bill). So, surely the immediate aftermath of the bill passing saw House Republicans try to soberly make their case to the American people, right?
Plan is for house repubs to head to wh for victory event after this event per two gop sources
— Dana Bash (@DanaBashCNN) May 4, 2017
Protestors chanting “Shame!” as GOP members board the party bus to celebrate health care vote pic.twitter.com/TTm9rn4lOS
— Benjy Sarlin (@BenjySarlin) May 4, 2017
Cases upon cases of beer just rolled into the Capitol on a cart covered in a sheet. Spotted Bud Light peeking out from the sheet
— Alexandra Jaffe (@ajjaffe) May 4, 2017
OK, maybe that’s not going so well. But a press op at the White House, how badly could that go?
Can a reporter at the Rose Garden ceremony ask President Trump to explain how his health care bill works?
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) May 4, 2017
Trump: “How am I doing? Am I doing OK? Hey, I’m president! I’m president! Can you believe it?” pic.twitter.com/hjos8ZWL95
— Bradd Jaffy (@BraddJaffy) May 4, 2017
Trump couldn’t host the teachers of the year at the Rose Garden last month, but vote to take health care away from 24M and you’re in!
— igorvolsky (@igorvolsky) May 4, 2017
OK, fine. That’s not going so well, either. But what about the passing of the bill itself? Surely some people are excited about that?
This is a victory for conservatism. We are continuing to uphold our promises to the American people by fixing our broken health care system.
— Paul Ryan (@PRyan) May 4, 2017
See? There you go! It’s not as bad as it seemed! People are definitely excited about what’s to come!
— Vice President Pence (@VP) May 4, 2017
No, we said what’s to come…
Bye Bye Obamacare!
Repealed and Replaced just now!
— Eric Bolling (@ericbolling) May 4, 2017
— Steve Hirsch (@Stevenwhirsch99) May 4, 2017
Obama checking out his Legacy like pic.twitter.com/GusfHYG6WJ
— Rex Tilllerson (@RexTilllerson) May 4, 2017
#Obamacare is one step closer to becoming history.
Thank you, Republicans.#AHCA
— Scott Presler (@ScottPresler) May 4, 2017
Isn’t anyone thinking about the future?
If Trumpcare passes, an estimated 29,000 people will die in a single year.
Imagine what we would do to ISIS if they did that to us.
— Ian Millhiser (@imillhiser) May 4, 2017
— Sarah Jones (@onesarahjones) May 4, 2017
Crying at my desk because of the #AHCA vote. My dad’s on kidney dialysis & can’t work. He’s dead if this passes the Senate. Not hyperbole.
— AlizaW (@AlizaTweets) May 4, 2017
Elizabeth Warren: “Trumpcare will devastate Americans’ healthcare. Families will go bankrupt. People will die.” pic.twitter.com/fPr5DBf8uJ
— Sahil Kapur (@sahilkapur) May 4, 2017
The Takeaway: If only there was a way to underscore how bad this seems for people. You know, some kind of mea culpa on behalf of the Republican party…
— The Hill (@thehill) May 4, 2017
…Yeah, that’ll do.
The Writing on the Wall
What Happened: It turns out, those who wanted to see the master plan of White House majordomo Steve Bannon just had to ask for a selfie.
What Really Happened: Face it: If you got to meet Trump strategist Steve Bannon in his office, you’d want to take a pic, right? How else could you prove to your friends that you’d hung out with the power behind the throne?
— Rabbi Shmuley (@RabbiShmuley) May 2, 2017
Nice photo. But wait. Look at that white board behind them.
Is this the whiteboard in Bannon’s office that lists all the objectives to be accomplished. Any photos of this before? https://t.co/fJAp3UpViW
— Kat Capps ❄️ (@KatCapps) May 2, 2017
Bannon’s whiteboard was already infamous even before this photo went out, but no one had ever really seen it. Once they had, however…
I hope someone is transcribing those whiteboards as we speak https://t.co/ZGECdCaiDh
— Mathew Ingram (@mathewi) May 3, 2017
… first pledge on the board, “repeal and replace obamacare” notably has no checkmark. https://t.co/2sq8IlfpJj
— fake nick ramsey (@nick_ramsey) May 2, 2017
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) May 2, 2017
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) May 3, 2017
Bannon’s to-do board in the background lists eliminating the “estate tax,” rather than the GOP/Trump White House-preferred term “death tax” https://t.co/5BpPoIgaWy
— Bradd Jaffy (@BraddJaffy) May 2, 2017
love to imagine this whiteboard is their only copy of the plan for the next 4 years, someone pay a WH cleaner to go in 1 night & wipe it off https://t.co/EoC3yX3Pmm
— Charlotte Graham (@lightyouonfire) May 2, 2017
Steve Bannon’s whiteboard to-do list exposed pic.twitter.com/pCXsZXk4bs
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) May 3, 2017
The Takeaway: The internet had a lot of fun dissecting Bannon’s whiteboard, but eventually someone had to tell him what was really going on.
Bannon! Shmuley is a double agent working for the left! He tricked you into showing the whiteboard, schmuck! Run!
— Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) May 4, 2017
What Happened: Buckingham Palace called a very mysterious meeting. Twitter immediately hoped for the best while expecting the worst. Neither happened.
What Really Happened: It all began last Wednesday as rumblings started coming out of Buckingham Palace that something was going down. News wasn’t immediately forthcoming, but soon word came out that Prince Philip, husband of Queen Elizabeth II, was retiring from public service. But before the news actually broke, the speculation had a … morbid tone:
— Penelope Craft (@PWCrafty) May 4, 2017
— DianeC (@whatisagigawatt) May 4, 2017
Rumours so far: Prince Philip has died and hasn’t died: the Queen of England has died and hasn’t died: nobody has died: somebody has died.
— Penelope Bergen (@RedFiddler) May 4, 2017
It’s going to be awkward if Prince Philip is perfectly fine and the Queen just remembered something important overnight. #BuckinghamPalace
— Karen Sweeney (@karenlsweeney) May 4, 2017
If it turned out that the royals were fine, then what could the announcement be about? People had a lot of theories about that as well.
At 8am London time, Buckingham Palace will announce that Queen Elizabeth has Trump’s tax returns.
— Christopher McKenzie (@xopherok) May 4, 2017
Just heard that the Queen has decided to put the empty Palace rooms on airb&b…..staff being informed. #BuckinghamPalace
— Sharon Matthews (@shazzadut) May 4, 2017
#BuckinghamPalace CONFIRMED: The Queen has been alerted by the Minister of Magic that Voldemort is back
— Nicola Potter (@nicolajenefer) May 4, 2017
Journos with well placed sources are saying no one’s died at #BuckinghamPalace. So I assume the Queen is about to rescind US independence.
— Chris Leese (@chris_leese) May 4, 2017
The Queen is going to announce that the spice girls are getting back together #buckinghampalace
— james warren (@jamesywarren) May 4, 2017
The queen is joining season 10 of Rupauls Drag Race to slay all the other queens #Buckinghampalace
— John Redgate (@JohnnyRedgate) May 4, 2017
After yesterday’s meeting, the Queen will confirm abdication in favour of Theresa May as this country needs strong and stable leadership.
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) May 4, 2017
+++ BREAKING NEWS +++ Queen Elizabeth II. reinstates absolute monarchy, refuses to leave EU and tells PM Theresa May to go BREXIT herself. pic.twitter.com/tY7VYx6OPq
— Jan Böhmermann (@janboehm) May 4, 2017
The actual news suddenly seems like a disappointment now, doesn’t it?
The Takeaway: Let’s take some time to remember perhaps one of the (ahem) crowning moments of British royalty:
— Ed (@eddo_) May 4, 2017
What Happened: President Trump’s seeming lack of knowledge of American history makes some people wonder what else he might know that we don’t.
What Really Happened: Of all the amazing things Trump said in the barrage of interviews he did to mark the 100th day of his administration, one of the strangest was his assertion that no one had wondered about the origins of the Civil War. People were confused about just why he seemed to think Andrew Jackson could have prevented it, despite having been dead 16 years when it started, but they were also, well, amused.
No surprise, then, that this happened:
Your very special ALL-DAY Hashtag War is… #TrumpTeachesHistory. Terrific!
— @midnight (@midnight) May 1, 2017
Nor that people really, really embraced the idea:
4 Golf Scores and 10 Tweets Ago… #TrumpTeachesHistory
— Jo Keskills (@jokeskills) May 1, 2017
— Corey Miller (@StopEatingBees) May 1, 2017
— Seth Goodtime (@SethGoodtime) May 1, 2017
— Orangina Bo Beena (@LaNaranjaMala) May 1, 2017
— I’m Shucked! (@Aricka_Shuck) May 1, 2017
— RaPUNzel (@randilynisin) May 1, 2017
Sadly, fewer people were able to make light of Trump ending another interview early when asked to defend his claims that President Obama wiretapped him.
The Takeaway: Conan, you want to handle this one?
Pearl-Clutching and Other Fun Pastimes
What Happened: The right wing gets very upset at what is, admittedly, a crappy joke from Late Show host Stephen Colbert.
What Really Happened: So, who’s a fan of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert? If so, then you probably caught this monologue from Monday’s show:
Huh. That Putin line might have been a little ill-chosen, huh? Not to mention a little homophob—oh, wait. Hang on. Twitter would like to weigh in.
— Николас (@Nick_Franco50) May 2, 2017
— Wiretapped Kimba (@Afterseven) May 2, 2017
— KennyGee (@KennyGGee) May 2, 2017
#firecolbert. If this had been said by someone at fox news leftists would have screamed for dismissal. Once again we see hypocrisy of left
— Brad Pick (@bradleypick) May 2, 2017
Same people caterwauling #FireColbert have “Free Speech” “No PC” an something inexplicable bout “Snowflakes” in their profiles
— David Samples (@NatureGuy101) May 2, 2017
Can’t figure out why the “pro-free speech,” “Anti PC,” crowd is so triggered by a BJ joke. #firecolbert
— Keaton (@keatonc33) May 2, 2017
Literally every conservative that is tweeting #FireColbert tweeted about how freedom of speech is under attack like 5 days ago
— emily orlich (@emilyorl) May 2, 2017
The Late Show host addressed the controversy later in the week, admitting that while he doesn’t regret the bit, he “would change a few words that were cruder than they needed to be.”
The Takeaway: Amidst all the controversy, Colbert did have one very prominent supporter. Sort of.
I will NOT support #FireColbert. I am vs ALL BOYCOTTS. He is a horrible human being, but if u don’t like him change the channel.
— Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) May 3, 2017
Welcome to the Upside Down, everyone.