While You Were Offline: Mr. Trump Goes to Europe to Spread Social Awkwardness
It wouldn’t be a Thursday on the internet if folks weren’t irrationally upset over something. The latest installment? A bunch of dudes who are mad that Austin’s Alamo Drafthouse is planning a women-only screening of Wonder Woman on June 6. It shouldn’t really be a surprise, because if there’s one thing men have proven themselves to be throughout history, it’s prone to childish overreactions whenever someone says something isn’t for them. But let’s not dwell on that ridiculous outcry. Instead, let’s focus on this pitch-perfect response from the theater in question:
— Alamo Drafthouse NYC (@AlamoNYC) May 25, 2017
Ah. Sometimes there is good in the world. There’s also, well, some bad. Here are all of the things you might have missed online from the past seven days. Don’t shoot, we’re just the messengers.
Awkward Papal Photos: Horror Edition
What Happened: It’s the team-up everyone has been waiting for: President Donald Trump and the pope! Together, they fight crime! No, wait. That’s not right. Together, they take really uncomfortable photos. Well, uncomfortable for them, but delightful for the internet.
What Really Happened: Last week, President Trump and his entourage headed to the Vatican to meet with Pope Francis.
Honor of a lifetime to meet His Holiness Pope Francis. I leave the Vatican more determined than ever to pursue PEACE in our world. pic.twitter.com/JzJDy7pllI
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 24, 2017
Sounds like the meeting went better than the last time Trump and the pope had a run-in. Or did it? Photos from the meeting suggest it wasn’t quite as sunny as Trump’s tweet made it seem.
Pope’s face when he found out he has to hear Trump’s confession. pic.twitter.com/2fDvKz5v1N
— Darth Putin (@DarthPutinKGB) May 24, 2017
Nice shot of a cheerful Pope Francis giving Trump the tour. ‘Chairs, floor, walls … We’re done, get out.’ pic.twitter.com/94Rv9U8h9t
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) May 24, 2017
Who died? Oh yes. DEMOCRACY. pic.twitter.com/pCxkgtSktd
— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) May 24, 2017
Trump: I know stuff
Pope: Welcome to Rome
Trump: I’m sworn to secrecy
Pope: Peace my son
Trump: So Israel told me –
Pope: Stop it
— andy lassner (@andylassner) May 24, 2017
When it’s a dramatic scene in a high school play but that one idiot can’t stop smiling for his parents in the audience pic.twitter.com/pKJGXBRAvL
— Ira Madison III (@ira) May 24, 2017
I cannot stop laughing. pic.twitter.com/k5VH9PD1BN
— Jennifer Mendelsohn (@CleverTitleTK) May 25, 2017
— wade h grimbly (@worldwidewade) May 24, 2017
I photoshopped the girl from The Ring into this pic and it isn’t even weird. pic.twitter.com/Lt2DojQGVh
— the resa (@theresamakes) May 24, 2017
I had to add Vigo. pic.twitter.com/nZ3IKWplzT
— Peter S. Hall (@PeterSHall) May 24, 2017
— Yorrike (@Yorrike) May 25, 2017
— Lucas Meyer (@meyer_lucas) May 24, 2017
Considering the Trumps showed up looking like the Addams Family, it was only a matter of time before this happened. But the volume and frequency with which these Photoshops hit the internet was pretty remarkable, and for a while it seemed as though the only thing that would stop them was divine intervention. Once they did peter out, it was hard to determine which was the best, but this Shining-themed GIF might come out on top:
Oh my god. pic.twitter.com/sgLlYKdazr
— Adam Epstein (@eppyad) May 26, 2017
The Takeaway: Apparently, papal supremacy applies to the internet, too.
So, About That Picture of Trump with the Glowing Orb…
What Happened: President Trump also proved adept at providing the internet with meme-worthy material while in Saudi Arabia.
What Really Happened: Trump gave the internet a lot to riff on last week. In addition to the aforementioned pope photos, he also told an audience in Israel that he “just got back from the Middle East” and got repeatedly, visibly rebuffed by his wife. But none of those tidbits were as strange as this:
And here’s Trump at the opening of the “Global Center for Combating Extremist Ideology” in Riyadh pic.twitter.com/gshRT2nFLU
— BuzzFeed News (@BuzzFeedNews) May 21, 2017
That, surprisingly, isn’t a faked photo or one that’s been altered in any way. That’s actually a real thing that happened during Trump’s trip. As could only be expected, Twitter was enamored with the visual:
When the imaginings of fevered conspiracists are suddenly realized in more cartoonish form than they ever thought possible pic.twitter.com/pddrUpMv2n
— Max Blumenthal (@MaxBlumenthal) May 21, 2017
who orb’d it better? pic.twitter.com/e6X5Ma9Epq
— Your Trusted Wizard (@Choplogik) May 21, 2017
Does this orb make my fingers look bigger? pic.twitter.com/aDRGIf4upw
— Jeffrey Lieber (@JeffLieber) May 21, 2017
Lots of snickering from armchair presidents who have never allowed themselves to be drained of their Life-Force to sustain the Great Orb https://t.co/Hs8vJsqYBm
— James Poniewozik (@poniewozik) May 21, 2017
I thought that picture of Trump in Saudi Arabia with the glowing orb looked familiar. Then I realized… pic.twitter.com/xXNcMuiRD3
— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) May 23, 2017
trump 100% made a wish when he touched the orb pic.twitter.com/S0TlxgxtBY
— KRANG T. NELSON (@KrangTNelson) May 21, 2017
— Josh (@awesomeplant) May 22, 2017
Ever since Trump touched the orb his arms have been getting longer pic.twitter.com/ennXKeaRQi
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) May 22, 2017
2 days later and Trump’s arms are still growing pic.twitter.com/f15seqQFiK
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) May 24, 2017
Trump arms update. The orb’s power seems to be growing exponentially pic.twitter.com/xQWmJMs7WB
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) May 25, 2017
The Takeaway: Perhaps people shouldn’t mock the orb too much. After all, they don’t know its true power.
The Shake Down
What Happened: Completing a hat trick of providing meme-worthy content last week, Trump was photographed sharing a rather unpleasant handshake with the new president of France.
What Really Happened: Of all the meetings Trump had at this week’s NATO summit, it was his first encounter with newly elected French president Emmanuel Macron that caught the internet’s eye. Why? Well, watch this first.
— Daniella Diaz (@DaniellaMicaela) May 25, 2017
OK, that was kind of weird. Twitter?
Macron’s handshake looks intense pic.twitter.com/6stLPxwISZ
— Gary He (@garyhe) May 25, 2017
— Philip Crowther (@PhilipinDC) May 25, 2017
The handshake quickly became a thing. While surely no one involved wanted that strange moment to be a talking point, it was relatively innocuous compared to the other info that came out of Trump and Macron’s meeting.
Trump denied he supported National Front’s Le Pen in France’s election. “You were my guy” he told Macron today, French officials say.
— Jennifer Jacobs (@JenniferJJacobs) May 25, 2017
— Terence Burlij (@burlij) May 25, 2017
Trump apparently doesn’t realize that France too has le Google. https://t.co/91x2N2LESR
— Robert Schlesinger (@rschles) May 25, 2017
This might be one of the all-time great walk-backs. https://t.co/Rz3Jr06mVb
— Ryan Rainey (@ryan_rainey) May 25, 2017
Oh. So maybe that’s why Macron seemingly avoided Trump when they saw each other later?
— Emmanuel Macron (@EmmanuelMacron) May 25, 2017
— As2roid Belt Tightnr (@Socr8es_Johnson) May 25, 2017
— Mike Jurney (@mikejurney) May 26, 2017
— Holland Reid (@HollandReid) May 25, 2017
Shade Level: Epic. French Pres. Macron goes out of his way to not greet tRump first, or second, or third. 😂 https://t.co/LG2lt0ZCyv
— Joshua Torres (@Joshie888) May 26, 2017
For something so critical, international politics really can seem like high school sometimes.
The Takeaway: Wait, did we say high school? It might be elementary.
Did Trump just shove another NATO leader to be in the front of the group? pic.twitter.com/bL1r2auELd
— Steve Kopack (@SteveKopack) May 25, 2017
What Happened: A potentially doctored school assignment created a new internet hero, who very deservedly got ice cream.
What Really Happened: For a brief moment let’s forget politics and think about something genuinely silly and viral to close out this week, shall we? Here, this girl’s review of her teacher’s disciplinary actions should do nicely.
My daughter actually submitted this feedback at school. Not sure if I should ground her or buy her ice cream… pic.twitter.com/4v8Gjb9riv
— Mason Cross (@MasonCrossBooks) May 25, 2017
Now, before we go any further: Yes, the handwriting on the last two lines looks suspiciously different from the rest of the page, but don’t harsh our need for happiness with your logic. This is great, even if it’s a little fudged.
— Karin Robinson (@karinjr) May 25, 2017
Accusing a teacher of war crimes under the Geneva Convention?
Ice cream, obviously. https://t.co/08NmZ4u4Tx
— Joshua Holland (@JoshuaHol) May 25, 2017
— Harini Calamur (@calamur) May 25, 2017
— Justin Salhani (@JustinSalhani) May 25, 2017
— ✏️ Tara Lazar (@taralazar) May 26, 2017
Unsurprisingly, almost everyone voted for ice cream, which led to the obvious conclusion.
The people have spoken. pic.twitter.com/lW2n3sd7Nq
— Mason Cross (@MasonCrossBooks) May 25, 2017
Was it real? We’ll never know, although that handwriting thing didn’t really help its case. What matters is that the girl got her ice cream—either for her wonderful teacher feedback or for her willingness to be a prop to gain social media attention. Ice cream is important; everything else is futile. C’mon, it’s the weekend—you should spend it with some ice cream too!
The Takeaway: Amongst those who were in favor of the ice cream option, The Man:
@MasonCrossBooks Get her a Drumstick 🍦
— Drumstick (@Drumstick) May 25, 2017
Drumstick Twitter, can’t you be a little better at being subtle? Take a lesson from the Alamo Drafthouse!