The deed is done. You’ve accessed the Facebook tool and discovered that your data was harvested by Cambridge Analytica. And, it’s all thanks to “a friend of yours.”
Once you’re over the initial alarm that you are one of the 80+ million people whose data was stolen, you’re left with this unshakeable feeling of, well, sheer unadulterated annoyance at your dumb-ass friends. So, which one of your so-called buddies unwittingly sold you (and your data) out?
But, there’s one thing makes this situation something of an unparalleled friendship dilemma. And, it’s all thanks to the vague and elusive phrasing of Facebook’s Help Centre message.
You know that one of your friends has betrayed you (albeit accidentally). But, the actions of that “friend” have resulted in your personal data being stolen. Oh, you want to know which friend betrayed you? That, I’m afraid, is something you’ll never know. Good luck trusting literally anyone ever again!
Facebook has condemned you to a life-long infuriating guessing game, the outcome of which will never be known. This nameless, faceless betrayer will haunt our dreams for the rest of our days.
I was personally attacked by my Facebook friend who logged into “This Is Your Digital Life”. I hope every soda you drink is shaken up. I hope your dreams dry like raisins in the baking sun. I hope there’s always snow in your driveway. I hope you never get off Fridays. pic.twitter.com/iydsmFPAn9
— 6ix Goddess 🌺 (@KaitlynOverAll) April 10, 2018
As awareness of Facebook’s tool grows, people are sharing screenshots of their results from the Hogwarts-esque sorting hat reserved for huge data breaches. One House that’s notably absent from this sorting ceremony is the group of people who, upon accessing the tool, will have learned that they logged into “This Is Your Digital Life.” We’ve seen very few examples of these people sharing their notification.
But, people in the House of the Betrayed (as we’ll henceforth call it) are calling on Facebook to reveal those who logged into the app. (Of course, it’s worth noting that it would be terrible for those individuals to be publicly outed by Facebook, and we are 100 percent not condoning this.)
If a public shaming doesn’t appeal to those in the House of the Betrayed, then there’s always the option of DMing each and every one of your Facebook friend to just ask them if they’re the culprit. Worth a try?
Apparently just one of my friends logged into This Is Your Digital Life and put my data in the hands of Cambridge Analytica, so now I’m going to message every single one of my friends, find out who it was and give them a good talking to
— Benjamin (@schtocker) April 11, 2018
But, here’s the thing, though. Facebook’s Help Centre tool appears to have sent users one of three messages. Those whose friends logged in to the app are, each time, informed that just “one of” their friends logged in. But, it could very well have been more than just one friend of yours.
Save deleting every one of your Facebook friends and halting all contact with humankind forevermore, what exactly are we supposed to do in the face of Facebook’s name and shame?
Message for all those who logged into “This Is Your Digital Life”—Can you do us all a favour and ‘fess up? Just put us out of our misery. We won’t hold it against you (well, we’ll try not to), but we just want to know, so we can move on from this unfortunate incident.
Facebook’s parting gift to us in this giant SNAFU? Friendship trust issues. I’ll never accept another friend request.