The creepy doll on ‘The Bachelorette’ is a viable suitor given their low, low standards
Rachel Lindsay suffered many indignities in the season premiere of The Bachelorette and accepted it all with poise, even when a man attacked her by playing an acoustic guitar at her. Another dude who’s known her since they were children was suddenly interested once it meant he could be on television.
Still, she was only thrown off her game when she met Adam Jr., a doll who is, apparently, French.
“That’s scary looking,” Lindsay says, backing the hell away. “I don’t know which one to look at.”
Adam Jr.’s chaperone, Adam, is a real estate agent based in Dallas, so it’s sort of unclear how the pair met. Also, does Adam Jr. have a job? Even a fake job, like Whaboom? A lot of questions here.
The Bachelor franchise has always had an iffy grasp on personhood. Take, for example, The Twins.
On Bachelor in Paradise, The Twins (legally named Haley and Emily Ferguson — although, if you watch these shows religiously like I do, you’re still unlikely to know that) were treated as a single individual. Even their “best friends” like Amanda Stanton, just called them “The Twins” all the time. Accordingly, the rules of the game treated them as one entity: if one twin matched up with a suitor, the other twin got to stay.
Soon, they’ll have their own Freeform spinoff, The Twins: Happily Ever After? where, presumably, no one’s allowed to get married unless it’s a double wedding.
So what’s the deal with Adam and Adam Jr.? Adam, bless Rachel’s heart, got a rose. But was that just so she could keep Adam Jr., who unlike pretty much everyone else, doesn’t say anything horrific because he literally cannot open his mouth?
Adam Jr. (or AJ) did get to express himself with voiceover, though, and revealed that he actually has more emotional intelligence (hey, Taylor) than most of the contenders. The ability to read the room is a rare gift in Bachelor Nation.
Adam Jr. had a staggering amount fan support and even some conditional cosigns from fellow suitors.
“I really feel like everybody’s here for love, including AJ. He doesn’t have to say much for you to know what he’s thinking and I can tell he’s getting a little jealous,” observed Josiah.
“AJ’s dressed fresh, he’s actually got a pretty dope fade if you look,” added Kenny before offering to light the doll on fire if he ventures into true horror movie territory.
Look, we know AJ isn’t going to win this thing, but since there are like two viable suitors for Lindsay to pick from, why not go for a hometown date in the French countryside at the doll factory he comes from?
Oh, yeah, that’s why.
Well, if he floats, he’s a perfect contender for Bachelor in Paradise, where even Evan the Erectile Dysfunction Expert who faked an illness so his crush would accompany him in an ambulance found love.
Big Adam insists that Rachel gets “two for the price of one,” so, uh, does that mean Adam Jr. gets to stay?