Buzz, Culture, Fall, Humor, Pumpkin Spice Latte, Starbucks

Starbucks’ Pumpkin Spice Latte or Ingrit the Wood Witch’s boiled rabbit smoothie?

Whenever fall time comes around, everyone flocks to Starbucks to pick up one of their fancy Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Little do they know there’s a perfectly decent warm and toasty seasonal beverage in town for free*. 

I’m speaking, of course, about Ingrit the Wood Witch’s Boiled Rabbit Smoothie.

There are plenty of reasons why the overrated and mass-produced Pumpkin Spice Latte is no match for Ingrit’s home-grown, locally sourced boiled rabbit smoothie. For example:

The Ingredients

The Pumpkin Spice Latte is a complicated mixture of espresso, milk, vanilla and pumpkin syrup, with whipped cream and cinnamon on top. Ingrit’s Boiled Rabbit Smoothie is just a simple mixture of boiling water, herbs, and rabbit carcass. You can even make it right from home! 

Now ask yourself which camp you’d rather be in this season?

Point: Ingrit the Wood Witch

The Experience

The Pumpkin Spice Latte requires a trip to Starbucks, where you have to wait in a long line and pay a large sum of money. Ingrit’s Boiled Rabbit Smoothie? Well, that only requires a trip to the thick woods located off of the highway, where there’s no wait time, and the cost is just a bag of chicken bones! 

Starbucks uses your money to line the pockets of executives, while Ingrit uses your chicken bones to make her famous, “Chicken Bone Lollipops (The Bone Marrow Is The Lolli).”

Point: Ingrit the Wood Witch

The “Status”

Why would you look “basic” taking Instagram pictures in front of a large corporate chain when you could look “like you’re drinking something with rabbit in it” in front of some thick pines and Ingrit’s boiling pot? The choice is SIMPLE.

Point: Ingrit the Wood Witch

Any Questions?

The most pressing question you probably have is, “How is the Boiled Rabbit Smoothie a smoothie when there is boiling water and no ice?” And the answer is simple: we use yogurt of course!

Now go forth and make Ingrit’s Boiled Rabbit Smoothie your new first choice for a fall beverage.

Content sponsored by Ingrit the Wood Witch.

Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We’re people, just like you, and we’re trying our best.

Source link

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

five + three =

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.