My name is Dan Covfefe and unfortunately the meme died before I could capitalize financially on it
My name is Dan Covfefe and I should be the person everyone is talking about right now. I should be the hit of the country—nay, the world– right now. But I’m not. And I blame you.
It all started with a tweet from Donald Trump.
I saw the tweet almost instantly after it was posted and my heart started racing. The president called me by name. What serendipity. I had always known I was destined to do something great, something magnificent, and this was it. After a few seconds of careful thought I fired back the reply that, I thought, would propel me into the global spotlight.
Now it was just a matter of time.
I began to fantasize about my life as the newest meme. I would be Ken Bone, but smarter, because I would use my newborn fame to make myself rich beyond my wildest dreams.
Some likes began trickling in. Even a reply or two.
Before I knew it my tweet had over 15 likes. I was swimming in engagement.
I immediately began to act. I knew what was coming; the stardom that was headed my way like a freight train. I started making T-shirts and such to prepare for what I assumed would be an onslaught of adoring fans that would be more than ready to spend top dollar on Dan Covfefe merchandise.
I was prepared for this, and things were looking way up. The Dan Covfefe Empire was poised to take over the world.
But then, suddenly, before I could do anything, it was over. My tweet stopped getting likes, and everyone’s attitude towards “convfefe” went from pure delight to dour resentment in the blink of an eye.
The meme that was foreordained to project me into celebrity had died a meek death. It was gone, like tears in the rain. I hadn’t gained even a single follower. I couldn’t believe it.
Why? Is this generation really so capricious? I should be a goddamn millionaire right now.
This is all your fault. You mindless, fickle peasants. Don’t you know there are people’s livelihoods at stake?
Am I bitter? You’re damn right I’m bitter. What’s wrong with “covfefe” that you feel it’s OK to just toss it aside and forget about it after just a few hours? You guys looooved The Orb. You talked about that for at least a week. And don’t even get me started on Ken Bone. That guy is still raking it in from you halfwits.
You rats couldn’t even give me a full day in the sun. You make me absolutely sick.