Jared Kushner finally speaks and we cannot unhear it

A long-gestating mystery to the American public has finally come to its dramatic conclusion: We now know what the voice of Jared Kushner sounds like.

Kusher — boyish prince, husband to a daughter of the president, also some sort of adviser to the president, winner of 2017’s Most Iconic Jerk Photo Award, real estate predator, possible vampire who emerges daily from a coffin embedded under a cherry tree somewhere in the greater D.C. area, a man who was reportedly keen on opening a communications backdoor with Russian government officials for reasons that are unclear but potentially illegal — spoke before tech executives on Monday, and people were very “whoa” because this, to our collective recollection, is the first time the American public has heard the man speak. 

President Trump has put Kushner, who is 36 years old and has no experience in government, in charge of solving a raft of incredibly complex and deeply entrenched problems, making his silence particularly notable. His responsibilities include criminal justice reform and making the government work better as head of the newly formed office of American Innovation. Oh, and establishing peace in the Middle East.  

Upon hearing Kushner’s first public statement as adviser to Trump on absolutely everything, the American public was not particularly impressed.

Now we have all heard the voice of the Kushner, and we cannot return.