James Comey finally lets his emo side show during his testimony
President Trump was wrong about former FBI Director James Comey: he’s no showboat, he’s just a 6’7″ emo teen.
Comey delivered a surprisingly emotional testimony on Thursday, making a special appeal to his former staff at the FBI. Comey spoke lovingly of the institution and the people who worked in it — and it was strangely hard not to tear up, even though this is, you know, J. Edgar Hoover’s baby.
Obviously, this is a profoundly serious hearing with lasting consequences, delivered at a critical time in American history. It’s not a joke.
That being said, if Comey’s looking for a new career post-FBI, he should seriously consider becoming a lyricist for Dashboard Confessional or, failing that, Death Cab for Cutie.
“And now to my former colleagues if I may: I’m so sorry I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to you properly. It was the honor of my life to serve beside you, to be part of the FBI family, and I will miss it for the rest of my life,” Comey said.
Additional signs Comey is emo:
1. Writes in diaries
2. Avoids parties with powerful people
3. Great on camera
5. Grieving the loss of the FBI and may never let it go.