I’m a guy and I will wear shorts to work until the day I die, don’t @ me
Summer’s finally here, which means it’s time for the annual debate about whether or not wearing shorts to the office is An Acceptable Thing, or a Worthy of a Fashion War Crimes Tribunal. Because somehow, even in 2017—the year that yielded RompHims and lace shorts for men—we’re somehow still debating something as banal as whether shorts are appropriate workplace attire.
Argue all you want. I’ve already made up my mind—I’ll wear shorts to work until the day I die. Don’t you dare @ me.
The debate around shorts for men stems primarily from one simple question: Are shorts too casual for the workplace?
The quick answer: Maybe. Just like literally any gotdamn thing you consider wearing to work.
Pants aren’t appropriate by default, folks. Ask . Just look at whatever we’re calling whatever Kendall Jenner is wearing here.
Shorts are a category—not a style—of clothing. And as such, they come in all shapes and sizes: long shorts, short shorts, cargo shorts, structured, loose, linen, jean, leather, breezy, waterproof, hemmed, frayed, dyed, et al.
“But children wear shorts!” the naysayers counter, to which we submit (globally famous and historically important music artist) Pharrell Williams as evidence. In 2014, the singer rocked a pair tuxedo shorts to the Oscars. And he looked flawless.
So how about you come talk to me when you have 10 Grammys and two Academy Award nominations.
And you know who else wears shorts? Prince George. Who, you might know, is royalty. Literally. And as they say: Dress for the job you want. My colleague Max did, and you know what happened to him? He landed himself a spot on TV in an interview with Sunrise Australia.
At the end of the day, when it’s 90°F and humid, I’m just out here, tryna survive. When I got dressed this morning, I asked myself one question—the one question you should ask yourself if you’re debating whether you’re wearing shorts to work, or not:
“Will this item of clothing make me pray for the sweet release of death when I walk out into the sweltering summer heat?”
For pants, the answer was an absolute yes. So instead, I picked up a pair of shorts, cuffed them because I’m living my best life, and took my ass to work.
If you must have a rule of thumb for whether you’re allowed to wear shorts to work, here’s a good one that I like to follow:
A rule of thumb:
The Venn diagram of ppl allowed to wear shorts to work & ppl with nerf guns unironically in the office is a complete circle
— MJ Franklin (@heyitsfranklin2) May 17, 2017
All of which is to say:
1. If you work in a casual work environment, wear shorts if you feel like it.
2. If you work in a formal work environment, wear formal clothes (read: no shorts).
It’s called reading the room, friends.
But if Mark Zuckerberg can wear a t-shirt and a hoodie to work every day, I’ll be damned if I can’t rock a pair of shorts when it’s so hot that it feels like the gates of hell have opened here on Earth.
I’m comfortable. I’m unoppressed. I’m wearing shorts. Deny me those values at your own peril, you pantsist monsters.