Buzz, Clowns, Entertainment, Humor, IT, Stephen King

If you wanna really be scared, ‘It’ should’ve transformed into these things

Image: Brooke Palmer/Warner Bros. Pictures, via Associated Press

The remake of Stephen King’s It came out this weekend, and despite it breaking box office records for a horror movie, a lot of reviews critiqued the film for not being scary enough.

We’ve compiled a list of things the It clown should’ve transformed into in order to make the film really be frightening. 

Get your night lights ready.

I mean, it’s pretty obvious that if the It clown turned into dinosaurs, we would all be more afraid. 

Dinasour replica are seen inside the Mimaland forest after 24 year close July 19, 2017 in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Mimaland started operating in 1971, it was built on a hilly area of 300 acres in Ulu Gombak near Kuala Lumpur, first phase was completed in 1970, and consisted of 24 motels, 5 chalets and a swimming pool. The main attractions, was the 'prehistoric animal park' containing dinosaur.In January 1993, a 27-year-old Singaporean was killed while using the giant slide at the Mimaland pool. The incident shocked the public and resulted in a temporary closure of Mimaland. a minor landslide caused damage to the walls of the same pool in May 1994. This incident caused muddy water to seep into the pool, causing the area to close to the public, Mimaland was closed permanently in 1994. Photo by Samsul Said (Photo by Samsul Said/NurPhoto via Getty Images)

Image: Photo by Samsul Said/NurPhoto via Getty Images

There is so much of the universe that is as yet unexplored, and yet Stephen Hawking predicts that humans will be living on another planet within the next thousand years. Imagine Pennywise embodying the concept of our primarily undiscovered understanding of a never-ending outer space. Terrified yet?

Image: Photo by: Universal History Archive/UIG via Getty Images

The number of cyclists hit by cars per year would be a truly shocking thing for the clown from It to transform into, especially since 20% of the movie was kids on bikes. For example, in 2015, 5,376 people were killed in crashes, which amounts to 15 people per year. If the clown transformed into a FiveThirtyEight style graph of that statistic, everyone would be scared, and not just people who are scared of graphs. Are you wondering how you’re going to sleep tonight? Us too.

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS - OCTOBER 29, 2015: People on bicycles  in a busy street near Museumplein on October 29, 2015 in Amsterdam, Netherlands. (Photo by Kaveh Kazemi/Getty Images)

Image: Photo by Kaveh Kazemi/Getty Images

There’s nothing more eerily mysterious than tall grass. What could be in there? A snake? A mountain lion? A snake being eaten by mountain lions like a spaghetti noodle and you’re to be their delicious meat sauce? Put a red balloon in the equation and I’m sleeping in my roommate’s bed for the next week.

Image: Photo by Tim Graham/Getty Images

Fuck, the statistic on how many pedestrians get hit by cars per year is even more horrifying. Imagine Pennywise riding a bar graph of those numbers like an evil slide then devouring you at the end.

NEW YORK, NY - JUNE 13: A man checks his mobile phone as he crosses 57th Street in New York City on June 13 2017. (Photo by Gary Hershorn/Getty Images)

Image: Photo by Gary Hershorn/Getty Images

And I would scream and run out of the theater before I saw the end of it if the clown from It transformed into that God damn scary alien from E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.

Image: © UNIVERSAL/Digital spy

Hopefully the sequel will include some of these ideas to make the It franchise unquestionably terrifying.

Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We’re people, just like you, and we’re trying our best.

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