This post is part of Mashable’s Masturbation Week. May is National Masturbation Month, so we’re celebrating by exploring the many facets of self-love.
So you want to talk about masturbation, but you don’t want to say “masturbation.”
First, have you considered just saying “masturbation?” It’s a fine and good word to say; plus, it’s gender-free! But if you really can’t do it — or if you’re some kind of slang aficionado — you’ll be thrilled to know that there are dozens of unusual euphemisms for masturbation at your disposal.
We’ve compiled a selection of 50 for you here, all from the deep tunnels of our blessed internet. Some of these images are specific to female masturbation, and some are specific to male masturbation. (We need more terms that aren’t just for men, to be honest.) Some are not specific at all. And some are so deeply confusing that we simply do not know to which body parts they are referring. But maybe you do. In that case, can you let us know?
11. Nulling the void
13. Orbiting Venus
14. Finding Nemo
20. Making waffles
21. Doing a Meg Ryan
22. Downstairs DJ
32. Dotting the “i”
33. Burping the worm
41. Making soup
45. Drilling for oil
47. Singing soprano
49. Minding the gap
Happy euphemising. We hope it’s a real pleasure.
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