Everything is terrible but today is ‘Treat Yo Self’ day, so go wild
On Oct. 13, 2011, the world was graced by three beautiful words courtesy of Tom and Donna on Parks and Recreation: Treat. Yo. Self.
The world has changed a lot since Pawnee’s swaggiest duo preached the gospel of self care. An overgrown baby is President; someone who physically resembles an overgrown baby was recently accused by 30 women (and counting) of sexual harassment; a million other things.
With the world in slow, painful free fall, here’s a list of highly satisfying, hyper-specific ways to treat yo self today.
1. Stay in tonight.
May I suggest catching up on TV and perhaps partaking of a face mask?
2. Or, you know, don’t.
See a movie untainted by public assault allegations, perhaps one that espouses equal love and the power of women.
4. Get some goddamn pumpkin spice.
If liking delicious flavors makes me basic, I don’t want to be acidic.
5. Take a nap.
Book the conference room or literally step outside and fall asleep on a bench for 20 minutes. You deserve it.
6. Send your coworker out to buy a communal cake.
If necessary, communicate only with an exclusive “cake crew” of co-workers to ensure that everyone gets a slice. [Editor’s note: This example may be based on personal experience.]
7. Watch a movie you’ve seen roughly 400,000 times.
How can I loop this DVD of Scott Pilgrim vs. the World?
8. Make an impulse purchase from a targeted ad.
Yeah, I got this shirt because Facebook noticed I like Harry Potter. It’s friggin adorable, what gives?
9. Donate loads of money to worthy causes.
Treat Yo Self is basically about pretending to be rich, so share the wealth with crisis relief funds and organizations focusing on social justice.
10. Surround yourself with people you love and trust.
Let this sacred holiday, at least, be a safe space.