A definitive ranking of all the blandsome Chrises in Hollywood
At this point, there are so many white Chrises in Hollywood that they can barely keep track of themselves. At Mashable, we take our entertainment coverage research very seriously, so we sought to end the cyclical Chris discussion decisively (or, you know, stir the pot).
The requirements: Actor, goes by Chris (no Christophers and such), a lil’ basic, and perfectly blandsome — i.e. your parents think he’s cute and know they’ve seen him in a movie, but they definitely don’t know their Thors from their Star-Lords.
Here’s how they ranked.
1. Chris Evans
Perhaps the nation’s preeminent Chris, Evans has it all: He’s an all-American Boston boy, non-problematic on press tours, and punches Nazis at least that one time. He’s also an adult man who unironically loves board games but sometimes is in danger of busting out of various shirts because he is almost too swole.
2. Chris Hemsworth
Hemsworth’s dramatic movies aren’t his strongest, but with Ghostbusters and SNL he proved to have formidable comedy chops (in addition to the very real muscle chops on display at all times). We’d brunch with him whenever, wig or no wig, and he can bring Mike Hat. Any child will look like a Baked by Melissa cupcake in these massive, godly arms.
Pratt’s been on a rollercoaster of public perception lately, but he’s been quick to admit to dumb comments or insensitive media. That would typically gain him a few points, but he loses out in general because he was in Passengers for no ostensible reason besides the heft of that paycheck. Remember Andy Dwyer, Chris, and so shall we.
Chris Pine movies aren’t necessarily the most memorable (did you ever end up watching Hell or High Water?), but his script-flipped role in Wonder Woman is exactly where we need a Chris these days, and his SNL opening this past weekend is the PSA Mashable entertainment always dreamt of making.
Before becoming a TV regular, the NCIS: LA star donned bat-nipples in his own ill-advised superhero movies — long before Chrises were a staple of the genre — playing Robin in both Batman Forever and Batman & Robin. Never forget.
The hardest-working Chris in Hollywood is bordering on overexposure, but he is a blandsome Chris and a funny nerd and therefore on this list. Despite his ubiquity, Hardwick isn’t as much of a household name as he should be, but at least he makes the industry’s official Chris Rankings.
The actor who played Percy Weasley in the Harry Potter films is only on this list because his name is almost “Chris Ranking.”
Honorable mention: Christoph Waltz
He wouldn’t get confused with anyone on this list due to him choosing vastly different movies to appear in, but years back, Christoph Waltz was a dead ringer to compete in the Chris Olympics. He’d never go by Chris, but if Christophs were Chrises, Waltz would win a bingo for sure.