5 ways you never knew you could masturbate
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This post is part of Mashable’s Masturbation Week. May is National Masturbation Month, so we’re celebrating by exploring the many facets of self-love.
There are a million ways to get yourself off, and many of them involve your own two hands. They’re free, after all!
But for those looking for something a out of the ordinary, we’ve rounded up a few of the silliest, goofiest, and yes, sexiest toys currently on the market.
From a vibrator that will literally order you food to a dildo inspired by your favorite Marvel hero, there’s something here for everyone.
For the snack-obsessed: A vibrator that orders you a pizza
Orgasms are good. Pizza? Also good! This, we guess, is the thinking behind RubGrub, the vibrator that lets its user order Domino’s upon finishing.
How, exactly, does this process work? According to RubGrub, food orders happen via a Bluetooth-enabled button on a Lovense Nora vibrator that, when pressed, connects to a mobile app that places an order on the user’s behalf. Very weird? Yes. Very tasty? Probably also yes, unless your go-to order is none pizza with left beef.
For the geeks: Movie-inspired sex toys
Geeky Sex Toys – which is a pretty on-the-nose name, but fine – is the purveyor of these pop culture-inspired toys. If you’re looking for what is essentially a Hitachi Magic Wand-style vibrator featuring Darth Vader’s helmet, this is the place for you.
For the music lovers: Toys that vibe to the beat
Frequent club-goers might find OhMiBod’s Club Vibe line intriguing. Available in three forms – a butt plug and two wearable clitoral stimulators – each product features a small mic that turns surrounding noise into vibrations. And while we don’t necessarily recommend wearing it to a lecture, as one tester says she did, it could be a fun accessory for a more relaxed night out.
Just make sure you play it cool on the dance floor.
For those who love customization: A vibrator that bends to your will
The Crescendo vibrator from MysteryVibe touts itself as the “world’s first body-adapting” vibrator. In other words, this toy can curve into whatever position its user desires.
So rather than breaking out multiple toys with various purposes, the Crescendo can be used alone in a bunch of ways, or adjusted for use with a partner. Think of it as a one-stop shop, if you will.
For the 👄💋💦 sexters: Sex toys shaped like emojis
Ah, the eggplant emoji. 🍆 So purple! So unlike anything resembling a human body part. And yet, the eggplant emoji is well-known shorthand for something more NSFW.
This veggie emoji is also the inspiration for a new line of tongue-in-cheek sex toys from Emojibator. Available in three emoji-inspired shapes — eggplant, banana and hot pepper, to be exact — these small silicone vibes are as goofy as they are sexy.
Plus, they’re so non-vibrator-like that should a snooping roommate or family member spot it, they might be none the wiser.