23 unrealistic stocking stuffer gifts just for millennials
Navigating through life as a twenty something this day and age can be the most exhausting, confusing and rewarding experience for a young person.
Whether you’ve just graduated from college, searching for a new job or just trying to adult, being a millennial is hard work – especially when you’re blamed for practically everything wrong with the world.
In order to spread some holiday cheer, we’ve compiled 20+ (unrealistic) stocking stuffer gifts to get the ambitious millennial in your life.
1. A secure job.
How many emails do we have to send? We’ve changed our cover letters 15 times!
2. An end to student loan payments.
The only thing worse than college tuition.
3. A lifetime supply of Netflix passwords (but we can live with a endless subscription).
Netflix is the only loyal thing we have in our lives. Let’s all binge together!
4. And who doesn’t need emotional stability?
Just admit it: we’ve all had one or two or three breakdowns this week.
5. A healthy relationship.
Is there such a thing? If so, we want it.
6. Money for rent, clothes, car payments, etc.
As youngsters, we weren’t too fond of receiving cash instead of toys for the holidays, but we’d appreciate it and you so much more now. Thank you.
7. Former President Barack Obama to be president again.
We have no idea what the new guy is doing in the White House. Come back, please?
8. Diversity and inclusion in media.
Because we’re tired of seeing the same three people playing the same three roles.
9. Vine to come back from the grave.
R.I.P. Vine, you’ll forever stay in our hearts.
10. A Twitter edit button.
Yes we know we typed “their” instead of “they’re.” Now how can we change this before the next Twitter debate?
11. A social media block button just for your nosy family.
We just want to vent on our statuses for a moment, Aunt May. Yes, we miss you too.
12. And speaking of family, a limit to their never-ending questions about your relationship status, school, or work.
Please, stop. We want answers just as much as you do.
13. An endless supply of wine.
In this case, however, the limit does not exist.
14. A crush to text you back.
It’s been exactly three minutes, why haven’t they replied yet?!
15. A private concert from Beyoncé.
A concert from the Queen herself: need I say more?
16. An end to the economy blame game toward millennials.
Millennials are ruining small businesses. Millennials are lazy. Millennials are self-entitled. Millennials are sick of hearing about it.
17. A lesson in budgeting and saving by Terry Crew’s character Julius Rock from Everybody Hates Chris
Because all we’ve ever been taught about finances is that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
18. A separate television station dedicated to old Disney Channel and Nickelodeon shows and movies
Lizzie McGuire was the first one to have a Bitmoji. Don’t fight me.
19. The motivation to get up and exercise
Does running to the pizza place before it closes count?
20. World peace would be nice, too
How about this concept?: a world where everyone accepted each other’s differences and actually got along. Hm.
21. An end to mansplaining
Our tolerance for this has significantly decreased. Just stop.
22. A decent sleep schedule
It’s either we’re in bed by 9 p.m. or awake at 5 a.m., there’s no in between.
23. And an avocado on a toasted slice of bread
It’s a hard knock life. Happy Holidays!